“Hey, great way to put it! You know, there’s a fine line between ‘notorious’ and ‘life of the party’. On the other hand, ‘notorious’ gets me more guest starring roles. How about you, me, and my publicist go off and make beautiful money together?”
(I laugh) "It's a date."
“What, I can just take this seat? Is this pleather? Nice. Why, thanks! My sister bought me a gym membership, and just to shock her I actually used it. She bought me a juicer, too—I assume she thought I’d make health drinks with it. Silly girl.”
"Ahem. Let’s get started. I read Mark Hunter’s Storm Chaser and loved it but I must say that your sister Allie seems rather boring compared to you."
“What, the woman who drives into tornadoes and flies into hurricanes? Did you know The Weather Channel once did a special on her? I hear she complained once because she lost her best sunglasses in a volcano. A volcano. I lost my best sunglasses in a bar fight with Shia LaBeouf … so yeah, I have my moments, but still. you’d make fun of that name too, right?
"Me, mostly I just make noise and have fun. Heh, I just realized—Allie went from flying into Hurricanes to moving into Hurricane. And from what I’ve experienced so far, they’re both just as dangerous.”
(I laugh again) "Let's get serious. You drove to the Midwest to make amends to those you felt you wronged but trouble certainly follows you where-ever you go. Right from the start, you jumped into a disagreement with a female police officer and a senator. Whatever made you do that?"
“I’d just made a new friend, and didn’t want to look cowardly in front of him … or the kid who was riding him. His name is Honey, very nice horse. Okay, mostly … he was a jerk. The Senator, I mean, not the horse. I hate suit-wearing jerks. I flashed back to that room full of suits at 20th Century Fox, telling me their insurance wouldn’t cover me to be in Dawn of the Planet of the Apes just because I did a little cliff diving, and jumped a motorcycle over one car. Just one car. What did they build those parking garage ramps for, if not to jump things? Besides, how reliable did they think the apes would be? What were we talking about?”
"What did you think when you heard the senator say this? Quote - “Missy, I am an Indiana State Senator, and you’re a highway patrolman destined to be stuck in Podunk towns like this one for the rest of what might be a very short career. I don’t care what affirmative action program shot you over more qualified men to get you that badge. But if you don’t want the INS looking into which of your cousins are illegally stacked together in some trailer in this country, you’d better shape up and shut up.”"
“Did I mention he was a jerk? I know he was frustrated, but that doesn’t mean he couldn’t be a gentleman. You know what the weird thing is? That’s the one and only racist thing I ever heard in Indiana, before or since. I’ve actually met more racist jerks in California—didn’t see that coming. Although come to think of it, in Indiana I was running around with a Mexican-American woman carrying a gun, a Taser, and an attitude. Never felt safer … which is weird considering the first thing cops usually do is slap handcuffs on me. And not in a fun way.
" What were we—oh, yeah. Well, truth is, I didn’t react much to what he said at all. I’d just driven thousands of miles, ridden a horse hundreds of feet—which was way more stressful—and seen tornado damage in real life for the first time. I was already tired and kind of numb. When the Senator arrived things started happening really fast, and by the time the words registered he’d already gotten a pretty good punishment.”
"You drove a red convertible mustang. That tells us you live a wild life. Is that why you bought the car, to emphasize your notoriety?"
“Nah, not really. It was love at first sight, that’s what it was. I had this Dodge Viper—fast, fast car, way too fast for somebody like me who didn’t take it seriously. So naturally, about ten years ago, I wrapped it around a guardrail on The 5. As soon as Jon and Ponch finished the accident report, I caught a taxi to the nearest car dealership, walked on the floor—and there she was.
"She saved my life. I’m serious. I fell so hard for that Mustang that I started driving a lot more carefully after that, so I wouldn’t damage her. At least, I did until I got to Fort Wayne, Indiana …”
"Your sister Allie didn’t seem all that happy to see you. Did you two ever get along growing up? Did you support her interest in storm chasing?"
“Oh, sure, as kids we were thick as thieves. Then I started stealing stuff, so … heh. See what I did, there?"
"No, when we were younger we were both united by our dislike of our father. According to my therapist I was acting out because Dad was never there, while my sister was more the type to escape from the situation. I guess I needed him more than she did.
"And I guess she cared more for him than I did at the time, because when my tell-all book about him came out she shut me out of her life. I was only trying to hurt him, not anyone else. But that’s the thing I’ve learned recently: Even when you think you’re just having fun, it can hurt other people.
"As for the storm chasing, I told her she was nuts to do something so dangerous. In retrospect, I think the fact that she broke it to me while we were skydiving was maybe her making a point.”
"You jumped into quite the challenge when you decided to be Chance and Allie’s wedding planner. Do you tend to make such difficult choices in life? Did you know how much work was involved? Did you consider the chances of this backfiring knowing your past and your enemies?"
“Hey, I bought some wedding planning audio books for the drive to Indiana! I figured, how hard could it be? Turns out I should have spent more time figuring.
“But no, I’ve never made difficult choices, I’ve always just run away from them. Never thought they’d catch up with me. And on a related note, for the most part I didn’t even know I had enemies. See, that’s what happens in a place like Hollywood: You get insulated from real life. Honestly, I didn’t even think I made the cops mad … annoyed, maybe. But you get surrounded by hangers-on and end up thinking everyone loves you.”
"Let’s talk about your enemies, or shall we say women you dumped? Did you know that Clarice was in the wedding party? It seems to me if you knew this, you might have thought twice about deciding to help out with the wedding."
“Okay, maybe I knew some people hated me. No, I had no idea Clarice would be in the wedding, but I should have. She was Allie’s best friend when we were younger, and Allie hasn’t been sticking around anywhere long enough to make new ones. And by the way, I didn’t dump her so much as sit her down for a discussion about whether we were ready for a serious relationship, which we totally weren’t. I really think trying to run me down with her car was an overreaction.”
"Bethany - there’s a piece of work. Whatever inspired you to date her when Hollywood has a pool of beautiful women who aren’t quite as crazy? Would it be that hunger you seem to have to live a dare-devil life?"
“Hollywood has women who aren’t crazy? Kidding! So this is going to be all about my mistakes, huh? Well, Bethany had this thing she did with her … wait. What is this blog rated? Okay, let me rephrase. I wouldn’t have gone chasing after Bethany, she’s a little too … what’s the word? … shallow for me.
“Okay, that’s not the word. See, I never spent any time working on relationships, because my Dad was divorced … how many times? Four? Five? Dad had this bad habit of believing in true love and trusting women too much, and he paid for it—literally. So yeah, I partied, then I went home alone. Or, um, went home alone after breakfast. I ran into Bethany at James Franco’s place—no, it was my place, James Franco was there. That’s right. Then she stayed for breakfast. (He didn’t.) Then she never … left. I was coming to some conclusions about my life at that point, and didn’t have the emotional energy to kick her out.
“Turns out—and this is just my theory, mind you—that when the gossip columns got wind of our night together, she decided to stick around just long enough to make it look like she dumped me, instead of it being a one night stand. Well, that and my Dad’s production company was planning a movie—the perfect chance for her grand switch from singer to actress. Apparently she didn’t know Dad had written me off.”
"What about Magee? If I were him, I’d secretly want to kill you. Do you think he could ever forgive your past games?"
“Isn’t he a hoot? Always was. Hooted when I goosed him, hooted when I propped a pail of water above the door, hooted when I put flour in his car’s air conditioner fans … good Lord, I just realized how very much he must have wanted to kill me. Luckily for me, Dad sent him off tracking after Allie, or he’d have probably strangled me. After getting a stepladder so he could reach my throat, of course. Maybe I should make it up to him.”
"Your father (sighing) is Charles Grant, the famous actor. (Sighs again). Growing up, did you feel competitive against his fame? "
“Well, yeah. There aren’t enough ‘duh’s’ in the world. But it wasn’t the fame—it was the constant disappearing acts. When you’re a kid, all the explanations about press tours and location shoots don’t mean anything to you … all you know is that your father is gone, and his job is more important than you are. You know why I went into the business? Because he didn’t want me to. Then I went out of my way to be as completely different a person as I possibly could, just so I could poke him with the knowledge that his kid was not a chip off the old block.
“Yeah, there’s not enough therapy in the world, either.”
"I loved the pizza scene. You should have listened to Fran. Again, it seems the dare devil in you had to go out when someone was trying to kill you. And your timing was perfect. You couldn’t have gotten into more trouble than you did right then. Is this part of your bad boy persona? “I’m going to do what I want regardless of the trouble it causes?”"
“Okay, spoilers: I just wanted pizza. No, you’re right. I didn’t think I was going to get caught, but I did like the thought of taking the chance. But there’s a difference, I think, between then and when I was younger. I got my reputation by just being there, and encouraging chaos around me. Then I matured a little, and tried to go out without getting caught. I wonder if what happened at the pizza place was a case of karma coming back to bite me? Right in the meat lover’s.”
"I won’t give away the ending, but you have to admit to being surprised at who it was trying to kill you. What can you say about that?"
“Spoilers! Yeah, okay, I was totally shocked. But hey, that person was on the list, so at least we got that far. I’ve been teasing Fran about it—I mean, I’m just an actor/writer/singer/man about town, she’s the detective.”
"Let’s talk Fran. It seems to me that she has just the perfect personality to control your wild side and you seem to respect her too. Give us the scoop. How do you honestly feel about this woman?"
“Well, of course I respect her! Have you seen all the weapons that woman carries? I control my wild side or I end up on the ground with fifty thousand volts going through me, looking like I’m practicing a new age dance. Plus, she’s got a beautiful set of guns.
“So, yeah. And, she’s very … real. It’s like looking at a body and seeing a person. No trying to conform for public consumption. No telling you what you want to hear. No plastic surgeon on speed dial. You don’t need a green screen to tell her story.”
"Is there anything else you’d like to tell our audience?"
“Buy the books, or I’ll come to your house and raid your liquor cabinet! Then Fran will Taser me and I’ll pee on your floor. You don’t want that, do you?
“Oh, and thanks to Beth Hamlin for being the best personal assistant ever, and to her brother for not shooting me when he found out Beth was my personal assistant.”
"Thank you for dropping by today. It’s been a real treat having you here. Talk about eye candy, what say you ladies? And you certainly are adorable. No wonder everyone loves Hollywood’s bad boy."
“Hey! I’m easy, but I’m not cheap. More like moderately priced. Keep an eye on the headlines; I’m thinking about a new business idea—just in case the wedding planning falls through.”
"I can't wait to read about that! Everyone, go to Amazon and check out this delightful read by Mark Hunter, The Notorious Ian Grant. Grab your copy today. You won’t be sorry. It is one of my this year favorite reads. http://www.amazon.com/Notorious-Ian-Grant-Mark-Hunter-ebook/dp/B00MR30B66/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1409852530&sr=1-1&keywords=the+notorious+ian+grant
It is one of the funnest books I've read this year. Also, follow Mark’s blog, Slightly Off the Mark at http://markrhunter.blogspot.com. He has the best sense of humor. Of course, you’ll find this out when you read any of his books. http://www.amazon.com/Mark-R-Hunter/e/B0058CL6OO/ref=ntt_athr_dp_pel_1 and like his author page while you’re there."